ladyacid's Xanga

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:36:39 GMT

Poetics - Montparnasse has two meanings: One is Miller depicts Montparnasse in Tropic of Cancer. Another is the first time I was in Paris, I left my suitcase in the locker in Montparnasse, on the way to Andreas. This place, this occasion recalls my memory, twice. Simply because M as a symbol, a sign, within the realm of poetry.

Haven't updated for a while, here's my latest that I write it down for myself, in case I will forget:

My whole October has been stuffed with school work and my shitty part-time work. And it got me very stressed since my Finnish godmother came to pay me a visit. After that her goddaughter came to visit and stay over as well. Then my little brother came from Durham to stay over his half-term holiday. It is just fucking hectic, honestly.

24 October 2009 / around 23:00: I spoke to Harmony Korine after his new film screening in London Film Festival. I was completely bottled up. He flirted with me by sending me an air kiss and it made me blush.

I love Trash Humpers a lot since I spent a lot time with VHS in my childhood, I like the surface of the material. I have a tape of Kieslowski's La Double Vie de Veronique (I recorded it by myself), after this tape has been recorded for a hundred times, there is a very interesting texture, like ghost image, I find a certain aesthetics from it.

Any how, I was actually looking at people leaving during Korine's film. 2 girls were sitting next to me went really shocked, they were like "omg, omg!", then they dashed out of the cinema - while the humpers were slapping the fat prostitude's ass. I especially like the ending when the mamma (played by Rachel his wife) humming a lullaby to Lefty (Their new-born baby last year) under the lamp post. It is so sweet that I couldn't sleep on that night.

28 October 2009 / 20:00: I went to Barbican Center to see Efterklang's concert, they play Parades with Britten Sinfonia from Cambridge (I think). I was sitting on the first row, was touched by their live performance. I was struck by the immense power of music, then I burst into sobs. At the end of the night, Casper shaked hand with me. I couldn't wash my right hand for the rest of the week.

29 October 2009 / 21:30 (I think): I went to see my lesbian friend Kirsti in Old street. She is my only friend in my uni. We were going to screen Jodorowsky's The Holy Mountain. But we ended up took meph and went really fucked. Somebody ate a dead Chongololo that K brought from South Africa. However, we had some life time experiences, K wee in a measuring cup and asked us all guess how much does she pisses. I thought she only pissed about 300 ml, Majbrit guessed 325ml and it was the closest. Then K came up with a mad idea of drinking the cup of piss. Then I said, "if Tess up for it, I will up for it." Then we poured K's piss into a wine cup then I proposed a toast, "For Health, for everybody." Everybody in the room were disgusted by three of us. K, Tess, and me had a sip of the piss, and it actually wasn't THAT bad. Provided that you are on a healthy diet. It is warm, and it is salty. Then Tess pissed in a cup afterwards and get us to drink. Her piss is much more salty, and it's kinda weird and tastes like meph. According to her explanation, that is because she had sushi and Soya sauce in the afternoon. In fact they would have tasted my piss but I was on my period, so I think it will just tastes like blood. Then later on in the midnight, we started to do body paint. K was covered head to toe in bright, fluorescent coloured paint, naked. And tess just looks like a Nazi.

In the morning they spent an hour in the bath wash off the acrylic paint.

02 November - 08 November 2009 - I was ill, the bad flu had been on and off for the whole week. I was in bed for most of the time. I had illusion, mystic sound from nowhere, my feet look like moving. I had a temperature and sore throat. I was very poorly and I thought that I was dying, then I started to ring everyone that I am suffering both mentally and physically. Andreas rang me and it made me much better. But he made me really want to go to Paris. I was in torment of life, of everything again. But this time I didn't cry at all. I think I am becoming more brave to confront the world. But overall I think it just because of the piss.

09 November 2009 - I had a serious arguement with my mum on Chirstianity. She tried really hard to preach me back to Church but I refused to. Then she called me "cold-blood" and go to hell. This is one of the harshest I've ever heard in my own life. A woman saying this to her own daughter, it is very upsetting and also worring. But after I read an article by Sophie Calle the other day and it made me smile. Also, I watched The Holy Mountain by myself and his documentary, and then was so astonished by reading an interview with Jodorowsky on Religion and Tarot etc. in the latest Acne paper. (It also features another interview with Lynch which I am very pleased with.)

10 November 2009 - I gotta work for Andreas on Thursday, and take a break in Paris for a long weekend. Then come back next Wednesday. The week after I am off to Oslo for an art trip for 5 days, to have a cup of coffee with Olav who is a comparative literature post-grad, and Kings of Convenience. So I've spent pretty much of the money that I've earned for last few months.

Since when I've become a human being like this?

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:53:51 GMT

bored, poking around on my stalkers pages, found out a referrer "scars on land", it then becomes my favourite quote for this week.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:09:08 GMT

Apart from Lady & Bird's latest album Forward & Reverse, Atlas Sound, Bradford Cox of Deerhunter's solo project is one of my current tune. It reminds me of his live around King's Cross last year, he was on the stage, his abnormal skinny body was enduring the ceaseless world.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 04:52:40 GMT

我總想成為拉走很多人的心的人，例如某些浪蕩的吉普賽女孩，例如某些拉小提琴的樂手。缺遺的兩眼，別過臉，或變獸，或化蝶，什麼也好。

挪威男人送來了蒼白的月亮，裹住了入秋的氣息，是微弱的新月，是其中一首叫做「大路」的歌，說，留給舊日撿下琴弦的情人，當一個她裸體的時候，天空便會變得很灰暗。

Monday, September 14, 2009

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:35:27 GMT

我曾愛過詩人、樂手，也愛過毒販，而今面對著藍藍的海，總會想像你伏在案頭，恐怕快斷氣的樣子。雖然這種心臟停頓與死亡的親近安靜細微而且暴烈，對於缺席的你，正如布希亞所言「可是過份親暱，承擔的決裂，這種親近久而久之，在穿越數千里沙漠的過程中，會變得和犯罪一樣讓人難以忍受。實際上，某些事情確實就是如此。」
「當雪下得異常地緩慢時，那么死亡的道理似乎就比活著的道理更加巧妙。但活著的道理或許更多。」

August 1, 1949 - September 11, 2009 (Aged 60)

"I will climb on top of it and come
In and out of time,
Cocking my head to the side slightly,
As I finish shaking, melting then
Into its body, its soft skin."

--Jim Carroll, "Poem"
from Void of Course (1998)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 07:53:54 GMT

by Ali Bosworth, Canadian Photographer.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:39:44 GMT

前墨西哥大使館與私竇

跟我到羅馬露營的朋友麥斯神神秘秘地說他最近在倫敦市中心的Art Squat串門子，原來竟然就是在Mayfair大使館區其中兩幢樓房，其前身為墨西哥大使館，在零四年荒廢至今，與隔壁東非國家前坦尚尼亞大使館，被六位藝術家占據成為私竇，而該地將會下星期搭成臨時劇院。而貴為皇室後裔的樓房主人正採取法律行動，他們將會在法庭面對指控，但成員Dan Simon在以前成功駁回八宗同類訴訟，雖似乎胸有成竹，但麥斯說在十月中應該會被攆走。

(9th September 23:35 更新：原來現在麥斯已經住在該Squat了!)

在前墨西哥大使館裡找到的魔鬼面具。

根據私竇主腦在自己的blog內記述，在年前已經和朋友開始找尋空房子住下來，在倫敦市南部有一個年資近三年的私竇，裡面卻住了足足住了十五人，大部份為Art School的BA, Post-grad，樂手，藝術家及在牛津畢業的左派寫手，可算為人才濟濟。其實在這群Squatter的生活不易，這個故事更有點像Henry Miller的Tropic of Cancer裡那些在爭扎求存的藝術家一樣，面對著「搞藝術從來賣藝不賣錢」的宿命。另外食物、食水、衛生、及面對有機會被人發現而衍生的麻煩(這些最基本的問題遠比錯綜複雜的男女關係困難)。而主腦很黑色幽默地說：

"Yesterday a visitor noticed the gas supply was still connected. I told him I'd happily die of carbon monoxide poisoning if I could only have a hot bath first. I held my hand under the tap for several appreciative minutes as the first hot water flowed."

而最令人感動的是，在正努力為這個月尾尋找住處的我，在可見的將來可以屈蛇於此，不用露宿街頭。

延伸閱讀：
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/6155976/Squatters-take-over-50-million-Mayfair-buildings.html
http://gutshot.com/bforum/blog.php?b=357

今年暑假在芬蘭的Turku渡過的一個週末，也發現另一個Squatter，本屬低調的地下基地，外牆上面卻用油漆噴上「？！」的圖案，即與London Squatter又要私下侵占，又要網上發佈，(情況如某港產電影裡一句「想死，又唔想死」情節一樣) 這些主流與地下文化的纏繞，令人嘖嘖稱奇。

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 07:16:35 GMT

妳是如何的親吻雌蕊、雄蕊，還有噬喫嚼碎玫瑰直至血紅，拔眉毛直至聽得到的疼痛。而我，卻為妳盛放的亂紅狂迷，妳流動的脈搏連著手腕，與及眼睫毛，皮毛髮膚。妳說現在我緩緩接近妳，你為此老死，坐我對面，坐我坐過的位置，吃著百合與奶，一併等待別人來愛，空等直至化白，直至染紅。

Sarah said to her mum while she was filming her, "Now I'm very close, in with the camera. But I'm not physically close, just with the lens. But I'm not close to your skin. I want to look through your eyes. Does it feel uncomfortable?" Her mum answered, "No, I'm not aware that you are taking so close to my skin." She then asked, "How long do you think it takes for a child to become separate?" Her mum remained silent, she has the right to remain silent.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:08:04 GMT

ons, 28.10.09
Barbican, B45

Nu skall vi dansa efter min...........Efterklang.

fre, 20.11.09
Arbeidersamfunnets plass 1, OSLO, NORGE

Far far away from Norge. Erlend, I shall come to you.(?)

Coming up, 02 October 2009

Tracklisting :
01. 24-25
02. Mrs Cold
03. Me In You
04. Boat Behind
05. Rule My World
06. My Ship Isn't Pretty
07. Renegade
08. Power Of Not Knowing
09. Peacetime Resistance
10. Freedom And Its Owner
11. Riot On An Empty Street
12. Second To Numb
13. Scars On Land

http://www.parisdjs.com/index.php/post/Kings-of-Convenience-Declaration-Of-Dependence

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 10:34:19 GMT

六月下旬有兩個月，我在歐洲四處遊蕩。接近七月的尾聲，幾近看過島上的一切：偌大得迷失自我，微小得足以尋回自己，這個北國的島嶼，美麗而空寂。當時與我同行的這些日子，踏進所有瀰漫著硫磺氣味的場所，你就住在我裡面，有無憂棄絕、靡隔遠離，有愛末言盡、也有心無耳默。兩個來自東方的女子，就在這個島國上流離，四處都是黑沙海灘，從海岸捲起全個世界最溫婉的浪漫，淹死了很多藍綠色的海藻，有時我想過把她們的姿態攝入鏡頭裡，縛緊她們的歷史，可是，跟所有的異鄉人一樣，我都不能一一感知，因重作很多從未聽過寂寞的故事而浪漫，你與我：

情願感染霧夢的疾病，不願相信飛機散落在一個火山島，而不是一個陸洲，不幸與快樂都坐在我們即將降落的地方，還有那靠近北極圈國土，愛詩蘭，她冷峻的名字，而更是一個動詞，使起飛，使著陸；使飄浮，使墜落；使放逐，使棲身；使流放，使安隱。朝朝暮暮都想著這個冰島，彷彿這天開始才是白晝，二十小時，我不再懼怕，天黑黑。

從首都的舊港碼頭乘小艇搭大約二十分鐘，昧逸地Viðey是一個美好的小島，而所有東西都是微小的，從那裡可以看清楚雷克雅未克的全貌。島的前身是一個小村莊，有很多被所有人忘記的事物，屋舍、小學的遺跡，和很多的烏。我們在崩塌的瓦礫中野餐，會感傷老去的小村落，還有想著死去的人，然而我們都同在，而且活著，歇息於剝落外牆的一角。然後，漫無目的地步行到海邊的石灘，沿途看過生鏽的螺旋槳，最綠的草叢，最黑的細沙。天地悠悠，連整個小山丘都長滿了野花，小湖的名字，我從沒有聽過。好些時刻，耳邊總會聽到太虛天使的音樂，念記著幾年前第一次看詩格洛絲的演出，這土地，這黑沙，這浪花，就像冰島最初的縮影：蒼穹就在眼前展開了，這個地方，彷彿生來就是為了等待別人去愛，為著最遠古的回憶，為著一次最寂愁的夢遊，僅此一次。

回程的時候，藍綠色的海面隨艇的動蕩泛起無數小小的細紋。船艇上的乘客都悠然自得，小朋友依著欄杆看著水，我也看著水，浮波閃爍出來的光，彷彿看得盲目，天籟都因水而生。幾度依戀，這沉淪的岸線，四周圍都包住了水，而所有人，什麼時候看的海，總是湛藍的。

Hafnarhús美術館附近的一些小店舖，有賣冰島傳統手織厚羊毛衣，有賣精美的小手信，也有籐織葫蘆音樂盒，播的是傳統小民謠。冰島文對於略懂北歐文的我們不算太難，有很多最基本生字都可以「靠估」。終究為一個島國，詞彙的拼法、語法在近一千年變化不大，因而成為世界上其中一種最古老的語言，最接近的是Old Norse和一些Faroese，Þ和 ð是其餘北歐國家沒有的字母，Þ是源自於Rune Stone的，另外ð這個，我就不知道了。同時文法亦與瑞典文相似，如I don’t speak Icelandic的冰島文是「Eg tala ekki Islensku.」瑞典文是「Jag talar inte Isländska.」Tala/Talar是Talk的意思，Ekki/Inte是Not的意思，有次我們在超級市場買東西的時候，收銀員不停咕嚕咕嚕地說著，我們就用最爛的口音說我們不懂冰島文，逗得她笑瞇瞇。又，上圖門上的寫著的是：「OPEN: Yes, this is the door!」

這個最不像國家首都的首都，平日就算是主要大街Laugavegur和從大教堂下山路Skólavörðustigur，出走的行人很少，有慵懶的貓，和慵懶的人。

然而，真正需要去講述旅行的人根本就不存在，因為很多去過的地方就像電影的場景，而經驗所有的印象，都無法給你說。右邊是在你黑我未黑，他們吵架的門口的藍鐵皮屋，某程度上，我分不清是在Nói albinói還是太虛天使，又或許是101區裡，餐廳外的泊車處。唱片店有送上咖啡的店主，有一切關於音符的微物，傳來有夢遊者的歌聲，似是為著什麼而卻步。

會堂外面的小池塘Tjörnin，意指The Pond，有很多「鴨子人們」，他們跟我一樣都很喜歡曬太陽。我們吃著自備的三文治，看著游來游去的鴨子，和湖邊的鴨子人們，他們吃著冰條雪糕，爸媽卻在旁邊靜靜地看著，我無所事事的樣子，我等待飛鳥吃麵包的樣子，我幾乎快樂得忘掉了自己的樣子。我只記得我說北歐的天氣好得有點假，是對身旁的妳說，還是我對自己說？不會再知道任何事，我再也分不清這一個下午，與昨天的那一個下午，有什麼分別，儘管曬出來的紅會褪去，但將來我一生會都記得這個下午，如何放縱地溜走。

看泉眼猛烈地射出溫熱如體溫的精液，之後，旁邊有很多人和我差不多都緘默，原來是這樣的：什麼時候都有可能發生的，大家只好停留在這裡，待下來，一直到我走掉的時刻，不以為然，經已射完了。

我在這聲音，聲音流動中閉上眼睛，雨水與冰川的溶雪匯集成為絲綾，潤滑地朝著下陷的方向，水的綠遠遠的褪下。山谷與岩壁隨便的走也沒有兩樣，野花蔓延的氣味，水泥的濕度，也許為著有一天，朝我們來，帶來慰藉。她的永恆，美麗得不實在，最壯麗又淒美的黃金瀑布，流水放肆，川流不息。我說現在，哪怕她願意，也無法再見了。我說：也無法自殺了。

more: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ladyacid/